your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
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My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
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Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐