season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.