The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
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I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
25 Seemingly Normal Things That Give Some People Massive Anxiety
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever