you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
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That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
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Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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