Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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