How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Randomize
