Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
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