Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
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I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
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anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up