I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ