I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
THAT is your concern right now?
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.