id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
