tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
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Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
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He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?