i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
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woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
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So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.