he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
