i permit you to call me
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
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He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
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I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
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