2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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