who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
True strength comes from lack of pants
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
