you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
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I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
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I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize