drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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