Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
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It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
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I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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