In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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