God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Randomize
