my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
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