I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
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