Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
