can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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