so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
she told me i tasted like america
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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