Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize