We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize