So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
