How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
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