Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
