she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
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You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
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He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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