you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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