All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
