remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
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