My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
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