You're completely useless in the revolution.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
