i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
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