i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
