She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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