dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
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