consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
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I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
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I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.