Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
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You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
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i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.