so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
