I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
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In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
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Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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