it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
