There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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