i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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