We won't sleep together?
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
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