he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
