hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
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And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Come see our sink grown plant.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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