No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
