My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
