He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
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I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
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You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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