4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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