Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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