You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
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Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
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When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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